When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
