Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
