he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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