it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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