Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
