dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
