eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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