He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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