I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
