But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
