You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
