Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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