Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
