I want to make a zoo with you.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
