I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
