the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
