11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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