btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
