5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
