She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
