community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I pour the whiskey from now on
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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