my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
