i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
