its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
