I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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