kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
