Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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