Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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