then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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