Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
