i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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