I'm really into asian looking animals
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
