I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
