i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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