We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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