Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
