How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
