I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
