Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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