My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
