I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
