I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm both gender and math confused
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
