I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
