worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
