Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
