also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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