i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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