Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
