guys are not supposed to queef...right?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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