i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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