I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
