okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
