Moan for me like Helen Keller
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
