Welp...herpes.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
