it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
